Never a Dull Moment
by Uncle Charlie
Summary: A new Mouth of Babes Illya is left in charge of his grandkids. When an accident happens, Illya suddenly finds himself at odds with his own daughter. No warnings unless you don't like kids. Writting for Taming the Muse


Lisle ran her fingers through her hair and glanced nervously over her shoulder at her father. Illya was poring over a set of blueprints. The new office in Istanbul was coming along fine, but Illya still wasn't convinced that the added security features were up to par.

"Dad, are you going to be okay with the kids?"

"Hmm?" Illya looked up and blinked at her.

"The children whom you are supposed to be watching?"

"What about them?" Illya glanced around the living room. "You mean Irina and Alex?"

"Irina and Alex are at school. They will be home at two but I should be back by then. I'm taking Ginny with me. Genève will be home by three. All you have to do is keep track of Peter and Inessa."

"That's fine." Illya's attention started to drift back towards the blueprints. There was something that was niggling at him, something that was so obvious he couldn't see it.

"Maybe I'd better take them with me, too." Lisle was only partially joking. "Dad, I've never seen you this distracted."

"I'll be fine, Lisle." After a moment, Illya scratched something on the bottom of the plans and rolled them to put them back into their tube. "There is not much I can do until Napoleon returns. We will be fine. Nothing will happen."

"Famous last words," Illya muttered, trying to find a comfortable position on the chair. Inessa was cuddled in his arms, still whimpering, her lip swollen and her chin sporting three stitches. He could hear Peter's approach through the closed door. A moment later a nurse appeared holding one of Peter's hands. The other hand stuck out from a white plaster cast.

Peter saw his grandfather and ran to him, crawling up into his lap and wailing. Inessa joined him a heartbeat later.

"Shh, you two. I need to talk to the nurse."

"She gave me a shot!" Pater yelled and tried to burrow further into Illya's embrace. Illya squinted shut his eyes as pain shot through his hip. He probably deserved it.

The doctor came in carrying a set of x-rays. He looked at the twins and then reached in his pocket and pulled out two lollipops. "Who'd like a sucker?" Immediately the crying stopped. He took the plastic wrapper off both of them and passed them over.

"What's the verdict?" Illya asked, sighing in relief at the quiet.

The doctor stuffed the x-rays into a viewer and turned it on. "Peter has a fractured radius and ulna. He's going to need to wear that cast for a few weeks. At his age, he'll heal up just fine."

"And Inessa?"

"Well, she is going to have a fat lip for a couple of days and I would suggest easy-to-chew food to keep the stress off that bottom lip. I don't think it will scar."

Illya nodded and straightened his leg to encourage Peter off it. Reluctantly the little boy got off and Inessa joined him. "Now we just have to go home and explain this to your mother. She is going to love this."

They walked through the front door and Lisle was there to meet them. Her face was dark and her features clouded with anger.

"How could you!?" she cried the minute she saw him. "I trusted you."

"It was an accident," Illya protested, wincing as the children pulled free and raced to their mothers. Lisle was not a coddling parent, so her reaction surprised him. It was hardly the first time the kids had been hurt playing.

"And what if I'd left Ginny with you? Would you have let her crawl down the stairs?"

"What?" Illya was honestly confused.

"What is so important about those damn plans that you'd let your own grandchildren…"

"Stop." Illya's voice grew very quiet and firm. "I did not endanger them. It was an accident."

"Why don't I believe you?" Without another word, Illya pushed past her and headed up the stairs. "Don't forget your precious plans!" Lisle shouted after him. Illya made a dismissive gesture without pausing. "Oh, you two, I'm sorry." She kissed them on their foreheads and hugged them. "Come on and I'll make you something special for dinner.

Napoleon was standing in front of the refrigerator, considering his options. They'd had chicken last night and hamburger the night before that, so he reckoned it was chicken's turn again. They really reined in their spending over the last few years. Napoleon was determined to get out of this house and into something place bit more convenient.

Illya limped in and Napoleon shut the door. "Illya, what's wrong?"

"It wasn't my fault," Illya shouted, slamming the door. He limped to his room and shut that door as well.

Napoleon followed and found Illya looking out the window. "Hey, partner, what's going on?"

"For some reason, my own child has suddenly lost her senses and is accusing me of endanger the children - our grandchildren. We have watched over them for six years now and I am apparently incapable or incompetent or both."

"That doesn't make sense. You are twice as vigilant as anyone I know, including me. Why would she say that?"

"She accused me of having tunnel vision over the Istanbul project. Arguably, I have been working hard on that project, but many people are trusting me and my judgment to keep them safe. I can't make a mistake."

"I heard you rejected them."

"I had to. There was something wrong and I couldn't put my finger on it… until Peter quite literally drove a car through it. The way the front entrance was designed, it would have been a prime target for a car bomb and the entire building would have been jeopardized. He found what I couldn't see." Illya shook his head and rubbed his eyes. "But I swear I was watching them."

Napoleon placed a hand on Illya's shoulder and squeezed. "You were limping when you came in."

"I jacked my hip up getting them to the doctor. Two four year olds are way over my weight limit these days." Illya looked at the blood on his shirt. "I swear, Napoleon, it was an accident."

Napoleon squeezed again. "I believe you, partner. The mystery is why Lisle doesn't." Napoleon pulled Illya away from the window and towards the bed. "Lie down a little bit while I get dinner ready. Is chicken okay for tonight?"

"It will be fine." Illya allowed himself to be led to the bed and slowly lowered himself down. Napoleon stayed until Illya settled.

"Would you like a blanket? It's a little chilly in here."

"That would be nice, thank you."

Napoleon arranged the blanket over Illya and let himself out of the room, closing the door behind him. He stared at the door for a moment and then made a decision.

Lisle was pounding a piece of beef to tenderize it as Napoleon peeked around the corner.

"Is it… ah… safe for me to come in?"

"What?" She paused in her pounding. "Oh, hi, Pops. How are you tonight?" Her voice was flat and without emotion.

"A little perplexed."

"About what?" She began to beat the meat again.

"About your attitude, not to put too fine a point on it." Napoleon leaned against the table. "Why are you so angry tonight, Lisle?"

"I'm not angry!"

"I am thinking that piece of beef would disagree with you."

She stared at him and Napoleon swore he saw Angelique looking back at him. There was so much fury in those blue eyes. Then her attention dropped to the mush that had once been a round steak. "If he'd been watching them the way he should have, this wouldn't have happened. I knew I shouldn't have trusted him. He can't focus! He's dangerous."

"Of course he's dangerous. He's an UNCLE agent. He's sworn to protect innocents with his life."

"Then why didn't he protect his own freaking grandchildren." She slammed the hammer down so hard that blood and meat splattered everywhere.

"Lisle, stop. Just stop and think for a moment." Napoleon didn't move from his spot, but he wasn't taking his eyes off her either. "What is your father's job at UNCLE?"

"He's head of Section Three. Why are you asking me this? You know what he does."

"He's head of security. He watches everyone, from me down to the mail clerk and keeps us safe. Why would you even for a moment think that he wouldn't pay the same attention to his own grandchildren?"

"It's those damned plans!" She picked up the mess and carried it to the garbage pail. "That's all he cares about these days." She threw it in, not caring that much of it missed. Chewy was immediately there to help with the clean up.

"If you had thought a bit, you'd have asked Peter what happen."

"He's a child. What would he know?"

"Yes, but he's not stupid. Illya had sent those plans back to HQ via a courier nearly two hours before the twins got hurt. He'd fed them lunch and settled them down for a nap, just as you had asked. But, you see, they weren't tired and started to play. Inessa was jumping on her bed, pretending that she was wearing a parachute and jumping from a plane. She clipped her chin on the footboard. Illya was already on his way up to see what the problem was when Peter came running out and tripped on that damned throw rug in the hall."

"I don't believe you. Those plans are right…" She pointed at an empty spot in the corner of a crowded work table. "They aren't there."

Napoleon pulled out his communicator. "Would you like me to call HQ and ask when the courier arrived and then you can call the doctor's office and see what time Illya brought the kids in?"

Instead, Lisle began to cry and Napoleon was immediately there, holding her tightly.

"I'm sorry," she blubbered.

"Lisle, talk to me. What is wrong?"

"I went to my OB-GYN today. Stupid doctor told me I shouldn't have any more children. Said what happened to Ginny could have been prevented. She acted like Ginny was a mistake. She wasn't a mistake."

"I agree with you complete. You have six children, Lisle, that's a good number. After all, we're not the Kennedys."

"I got home and there was blood everywhere and no one was here. I got so scared because I couldn't get hold of anyone and Dad sent Leon out of the country and I'm here by myself. Then I saw Dad's note. And I started thinking what if something happened and I lost one of the kids I couldn't have anymore… And Dad's been so distracted that I…"

"You thought he was letting the kids run wild and not watching them. You know he wouldn't do that."

"I just thought…"

"No, you didn't think. What about when Irina fell on that gravel when she was skating or when Alex drove his bike into a tree? You look away for a minute, Lisle, and that's all it takes. They're kids and they are going to get hurt."

"I know… I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you need to be saying that to." He offered her his handkerchief and stroked her head gently. "Your father is up there feeling as if he's let down the one person in his life who counted on him the most. He's the one who needs to be apologized to."

Lisle knocked on the bed room door and opened it slowly. Illya was on the bed, reading. When he saw who it was, he took off his glasses and set the book aside.

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry… I'd just gotten some bad news and I lashed out at you. I didn't mean to, I was just so scared."

With a soft grunt, Illya sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He patted the bed beside him and Lisle walked slowly over and sat down. "What sort of news?"

Napoleon watched as Illya's arm went around his daughter's shoulders. Everyone thought Illya was so hard, so uncaring. Napoleon knew the heart that beat within Illya's chest was tender and compassionate. Neither of them could do their job, otherwise. He closed the door and turned around. His oldest grandson was standing there.

"Grampy?"

"Yes, Alex?"

"Are you making dinner tonight? Cause I'm awfully hungry… and there's no one downstairs in the kitchen, cooking. I think Petey gonna eat his Play Doh soon."

"We couldn't have that. How about we splurge a bit and I order pizza?"

"Wow! That would be cool! With pepperoni and everything?"

"Anything you want. Let's go round up your siblings and we'll make a list."

"Okay!" Alex turned and ran into a coffee table, banging his shin as he did. "Ow!"

"Let's keep a lid on that, kid, and I'll even let you order soda."

"Cool!" Alex hobbled off and Napoleon glanced back at the door. One thing was certain. With this many people living under one roof, there was never a dull moment.


End file.
